The Challenge of the Suburbs.

This is a continuation and a development to a certain extent of my previous post on “The Art of Slow Living“. Note: This post is not called “The Evils of the Suburbs”, although some of my city friends would think so. It’s called “The Challenges of the Suburbs” and would love to hear the thoughts of my fellow suburbanites on the challenges, as well as some of the strengths.

I’ve lived in two types of places in my life. The first being a small coastal city on the gulf coast. The other being the suburbs.

In many ways, each suburb that I’ve lived in is the same as the one before. The parts interchangeable. The houses look the same. The restaraunts are the same. The stores are the same. The people are the same. The churches are the same. Each interchangeable.

I’m beginning to struggle with my suburban life. Or at least am becoming aware of some existing challenges.

We met up with Nick & Leslie last night in Birmingham to check out their new apartment and home in The English Village. Where everything was in walking distance. Coffee shop, bookstore, pharmacy, grocery store, ice cream shop, and the list goes on and on.

And it’s really has me thinking about some of the challenges of our own particular life in the suburbs. This is not me bashing everyone with a nice house and a white picket fence. This is an autobiography of some of the struggles I have living and creating an identity outside of the context of consistent and deep community.

So I’ve wrote down three little things that I feel that I’m prone to lose sight of in the suburbs.

1.) The loss of community in exchange for privacy and a hybrid of some type of individualism.

When I use the word “community” I am referring to a sense of inter-connectedness and deep meaning that is brought to our world through our shared relationships and the experiences that they produce. In the suburbs, there is not much inter-connectedness going on. We sit isolated in our cars in traffic with our windows rolled up and the radio on. We pull into our neighborhoods where our neighbors rarely wave. We pull in and immediately close the garage door. We are never in our yards because we’re to busy. So we pay people to cut and keep our lawns. Nannies or a daycare to watch the kids. And maids to clean the house. We seclude ourselves. Fear of being found out. Fear of being known. Fear of having to give or sacrifice. Fear of having to take time.

We go to our chain restaraunts or fast food and the minute someone screws up, we’re on them. Snapping at them, reminding them that we are the rulers of our empires. The kings of our castles. The world revolves around us and serves us.

In the suburbs, community is much harder to be organically birth. It exists at times, but in many places it’s manufactured or forced. On Sunday morning in churches. On the forced smile to the neighbor. The generic conversation at the PTA meeting or the football game. “What are you doing? How are the kids? How’s your wife? The football team sure did have a nice recruiting class.” Superficial, shallow talk void of any real genuine concern.

2.) The loss of creativity and originality in exchange for carbon-copies and the status quo.

In the suburbs, I find it much harder to go against the grain. Where conformity is often viewed as a value, it is very difficult to think, live, and speak outside of the status quo. Each community is different in regards to what the status quo is, but it still exists. For example, in my community to discuss selling your car, downsizing your possessions, or many of the other things my wife and I find ourself musing on, is to bring about skepticism. It’s not always vocal, but to begin to reimagine a life different than the status quo of what every one else around you is thinking, living, and speaking is to go against the grain.

There are a couple of examples of this off the top of my head.

In the suburbs, fast food and chain restaraunts are the norm. Very rarely do you have someone in your home. And more often than not, you find yourself in a drive-thru window on the way home or sitting at a table in a chain restaraunt. Most of the times with only half of the family members being represented. Meanwhile, in the city (metro and small) you eat at home. Invite friends and family over. Meet for dinner. Stop by the local restaraunt that has been there since your mom was a child.

In the suburbs, most of the homes are similar in look, materials, style, price, etc. In neighborhoods (not withstanding the half million dollar neighborhoods) there are typically 4 to 5 models to choose from. Even in nicer subdivisions, you will find no more than 10 options. And even the 10 options still are the same style and have the same look, they just have different floor plans. Where in the metro-city or a small city, each home seems to have a unique quality to it. Being built by choice and not by default. To be fair, the city does have its own complications with its architecture but the point is still illustrated I hope.

Some thought could also be given to the idea that churches end up being a consumer based “company”. Providing goods and services like child-care, “community”, contacts, entertainment, free-rides to heaven, etc. Although this is a bit of a poor stereotype, in my own personal experience, it seems that most suburban churches end up focusing more on what the “consumer” wants and likes than on the Spirit of God stirring and breathing creativity into their midst. So stereotypically (I’m aware of the danger), the worship is either dead and dry from lack of creativity or it’s ripped off from the “secular” spectrum. So worship ends up sounding and looking like a bad U2 concert and the worship music sounds like your typical pop Goo Goo Doll-”ish” song. A cheap rip-off of what everybody else is doing.

Again, stereotypes I know, but there is not much creative, fresh, and new worship that comes out of suburban churches. The services typically end up looking and feeling just like the service from the “big church” down the street that is really popular. And I really would love to give some thoughts to preaching as well, but feel I might come off critical if I do.

3.) The loss of slow living in exchange for keeping one’s head above water.

Again you can reference my post on “The Art of Slow Living” for my full thoughts. But in the suburbs, everyone gets so caught up in the rush. You sit in traffic to go to work. You sit in traffic to take your kids to school. You sit in traffic to go eat. You sit in traffic to go to the store. You sit in traffic to go visit your friends. You sit in traffic to go visit your family.

On top of that, you work well over 40 hours a week to pay the bills, to upgrade your car, upgrade your house, if you’re lucky get a 2nd house, not to mention work towards a retirement and towards your kids college education. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with these things. But it’s way to easy to get just simply get caught up in the rush. To be dragged and pulled along instead of creating your own life, instead of allowing it to happen around you on everyone else’s terms.

In the suburbs, people rarely do what makes them happy. They rarely do what gives and fills them with excitement and hope and peace. They do what they need to do to survive. To make it. To keep their head above water until the next wave comes. I’m beginning to think that is not a lifestyle that is for me.

I’m not saying everyone should pack up and move to the city or some small town on the coast. Or to quit their job and work at the ice cream parlor on the town square. These are just some of the things that I’m thinking that are presenting challenges to my attempt to live a faithful and fulfilled life, at the end of which I can say “I lived, moved, and breathed and have no regrets for I co-created and drank a full cup on our terms”.

Tags: Suburbs, Community, Slow Living