The Exodus: Part Five by Anna.
My post
Leslie’s post
Nick’s post
Eric’s post
Anna is a 23 year old sexy goddess who for some strange reason decided to marry me. For over a year she worked in the President’s office of the North American Mission Board and watched the behind the scenes as things fell apart. She has also been a mentor to a group of high school girls who are now sophmores in colleges and some of our best friends. She is cute. She is cuddly. And for some strange reason she has taken an interest in cross-stitching. Go figure. She now works at a car dealership and hasn’t been to church in 6 months.
This is all a really new experience for me. I don’t write about these things often, really think about them much if I’m fair. That’s why I married a man who does. He challenges every part of me. And we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who do. I resonate with so many of the inputs and opinions around me, I just don’t spend as much time “chewing†on this stuff as many of my close friends do. But I enjoy being a spectator. And learning tons while I challenge my brain over dinner conversations and video chats.
I think I’m right in the middle of Leslie’s perspective and Eric’s, obviously with different insights on both ends of the spectrum. I’m Leslie because I’ve been burned and it hurts. I’ve been a member of the competition. And I’m not proud of what I became. I’m Eric because I think it should be different and it makes me sad.
All of that disclaimer was to say that a large portion of the “church†part of my life is an “I don’t know.â€
I’m not sure how I feel about mega churches right now. I do know I don’t “fit†there anymore. I don’t know if I think house churches are the way to go 100%. I do know that being involved as little as I have, I’ve never had a more real encounter with Christ as when we attended a friend’s house church. I can’t pinpoint an exact reason why I feel what I do, but I’ll give you a few of my viewpoints and allow you to see through my eye gate for a while.
I think if I’d never started dating Josh, I would have been elbow-deep in Wednesday night church right now. Dancing in the front row at the big “Christian†concert. Thinking alcohol is evil. Pointing fingers at couples who live together before they are married. Praying for those who “have fallen away from the church.†At the bookstore on midnight on the release date of the latest Max Lucado book, no offense Max.
It wasn’t until recently I started to realize how crazy that lifestyle is. Not for everyone, but for me. I never knew I would enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. I wasn’t allowed to entertain the idea. I had never been in the shoes of an “outsider†as Southern Christian Culture defines them. Now I’m one of them. And I’m having the time of my life. I’m connecting with God on a whole new, deeper level.
All of this adventure has come at a cost, though. We’ve lost relationships. We’ve chosen to lose jobs. But we’ve gained more than we could have imagined. It took a while though, and we couldn’t find our place.
There became no space for us in the traditional church setting. We didn’t belong in leadership anymore, having no heart for the agenda of most churches we had been involved with. We didn’t belong in membership, having no real avenues for community. We didn’t fit. People would encourage us to share our thoughts, to be open. Then look at us like we had 2 heads after we became brave enough to finally add to a conversation.
There was no room for us to throw away our 9-5 jobs and that be okay. No space for us to miss church on Sunday mornings and that be acceptable. No ability for us to want to raise our children in monastic community and that not be weird. To want our money to count for something other than buildings and intelligent lights. To want to sleep in big palettes in the living room with our kids for weeks on end if that’s what they want to do (ht: Andrew Jones). For us to watch 6 year-olds care more about the JCPenney Christmas Catalog than other people, and that be weird to us. For us to get angry when fellow Christians belittled a waitress and that not to be “expected†when they give less than stellar service.
I could go on. But the bottom line is, the way I began to feel to be called to live out my faith didn’t work in that setting. The non-negotiables of what we want our lives to look like didn’t align with the non-negotiables of the traditional church. My idea of holiness isn’t the same as that of the traditional church. That’s not to say one is better, or one is right and one is wrong.
I think the main thing people need to know is, we’re not petitioning against that type of congregation. We just don’t feel we belong there any longer. Maybe forever. We’re outcasts in that society. And that’s okay.
Where we’re at it . . . it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to go full in to an idea that may not work. But we know it would be a violation of our calling to shy away from the challenge of living a different life and reaching a different group.
For so long, we were told we were innovators and revolutionaries, and that our place was in the traditional setting of church, as a change agent. As a catalyst to a revolution. For years in my church, and as my first professional career, my role was that of a rising leader. I was given that task of taking the church in to the next generation, figuring out how to reach people like me. Then when I came up with new ideas, they were shot down before I even had time to think through them fully.
I was lead to believe my voice could make a difference. It didn’t. And that was a harsh reality to face. I could name many names off the top of my head who fell victim to such a promise. Any maybe we’re young, immature, and impatient, but you can only be snuffed out so many times before you give up.
It was a sad day the day I realized I wasn’t a change agent at all. I was a quota that was being met. I was “one of the young people.†The figurehead innovators. I served no real purpose other than to make the large Christian organization I worked for look like they were young and hip. With a finger on culture. Up and coming. Doing everything it took to reach the next generation.
We’re thankful for the community of journeyers we’ve linked up with. We’re hopeful because of friends like you. Those of you who blog and those who don’t. Those of you who wrestle with these issues with us. Who have our back at all times. You are our lifeline. You keep us grounded. And we thank you for that.
I’m proud to be on the outside.
These posts are not our attempt at being critical. But are the autobiographies of a bunch of 25 and under former staff members and leaders in the traditional model of church who have now found alternative ways of experiencing community and living the way of Jesus. These writings will be compiled and circulated among some local pastors with the attempt at rebuilding some burnt and broken bridges.
Tags: Anna Brown, NAMB, North American Mission Board, Max Lucado
tank
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 9:50 am Uhr
I just want to say that is a damn well written post. There is no other way to say it.
jessica...
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 10:26 am Uhr
i’ve really enjoyed reading all this “exodus” posts … anna, you said, “I think the main thing people need to know is, we’re not petitioning against that type of congregation. We just don’t feel we belong there any longer. Maybe forever. We’re outcasts in that society. And that’s okay.” …
in my conversations with people i sometimes forget that part … thanks for reminding me.
The Exodus « Anna Brown
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 11:18 am Uhr
[...] Josh has been hosting a conversation with some of our friends who have either walked away or been forced out of the traditional model of church. There are 8 of us writing and we’ve been doing so all week. If you want to get the links for all of them that have been written so far, you can go here. Below is my response to the question, “Why did you leave the church or re-evaluate your role within it?” You can find the post on his site here. [...]
andrew jones
Friday, 8. September 2006 um 7:01 am Uhr
cool . . .
“My Exodus” To Wordpress and “The Exodus” To Alternative Forms of Church at atypicalspirituality.com
Monday, 11. September 2006 um 1:47 pm Uhr
[...] Anna [...]
at atypicalspirituality.com
Friday, 15. September 2006 um 11:00 am Uhr
[...] Anna [...]
tank tankersley » Blog Archive » The Exodus: Why Young Leaders are Leaving the Church
Wednesday, 21. February 2007 um 2:20 pm Uhr
[...] Josh’s Post Leslie’s Post Nick’s Post Eric’s Post Anna’s Post [...]