The Exodus: Part Six by Andrew.
My post
Leslie’s post
Nick’s post
Eric’s post
Anna’s post
Andrew, also known as Tank (which strangely reminds me of the glory days of American Gladiators), lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He blogs as a part of a collective known as atypicalspirituality.com with two of his good friends. His blogging “portal” can be found here. Tank is a newlywed, has a really big dog, and is an assistant manager at QuikTrip. They are active in shaping and creating a faith community outside the box of the traditional model.
I left the church this last May. It was one of the hardest and easiest decisions of my life. I don’t really want to go into it here because I have not recovered from the experience. I have been working for/volunteering for churches since I was 16 in some capacity, and that has continued to this very day. Although I have walked away from the ‘Traditional Model’ of church, I have not lost all hope for the Church yet, and am currently involved in a community. I was raised from the age of 2 till 15 in a charismatic evangelical mega-church of 10,000+ people, My next church I found when I was 16 in a small town about 45 minutes away from the city I live in which was a 500 member Methodist Church. I went to a charismatic evangelical high school for my last two years of schooling and attended Oral Roberts University for three years of higher education. I have yet to finish my degree because it is in Youth Ministry and I don’t know if I will ever do that again. My last church stop was a 350 member Disciples of Christ church where I served as Youth Intern and finally Youth Pastor before I decided to leave. I think that is enough of the bio.
Some Reasons I left the Church Are:
Community. You know Jesus had many people following him that wanted to be his disciples. Yeah, it’s true, but Jesus said some hard things and did some things that got people mad at him, and many of those people decided they were out of there. All except twelve people who were committed. We’re they perfect? Far from it. We’re they smart? Probably not all of them. We’re they the most loved? Heck no. But they were committed to following Jesus around and trying to be like him. They screwed up a-lot, but they were committed. Here is what gets me, I have never walked into a church that looks even remotely like this. Every church I walk into is trying to please as many people as possible so that their church can get bigger and bigger. Most of the people don’t know each other, and I mean really know each other. And the second someone screws up and says something wrong they are out of there. Why are they out of there? Because the church isn’t focused on community and commitment to one another, they are too busy growing. I want to be part of a small community of people that are committed to each other and to god. I don’t find this in the modern church.
I know that a small community that isn’t connected to a larger group may come up with a different ‘belief’ than other small groups and I think that is ok.
Absolute Truth. I think there is absolute truth. I just don’t think that we could ever have more than a small grasp of what that truth is. It is funny to talk to people who say there is no absolute truth, just ask them if murder is bad. Murder is bad in all circumstances, even if you are killing the most evil person in the world, they still have people who love or loved them and vice-versa, and even if you want to argue that they love no one and no one loves them, you can’t forget that God loves them.
What frustrates me is that most churches I attend have this idea that they have it all figured out and they must get this message to all people so that they too can have all the truth in their possession. This is the why sermons are so important so that we can all get the truth delivered to us and we can all be on the same page together. There is no room for discussion, everything is the way it is and there is no way around it. I mean didn’t god write down all of his thoughts through some people way back in history for us to have all knowledge and all power? I don’t think that is how it happened, I don’t even think that is close. I want to be part of a community that is wrestling toward being more like God and bringing his kingdom to this earth even though we know we don’t have it all figured out. I want to be a part of a community that keeps me accountable from a group of people, not from an all knowing person who stands at the front of the church. I want to be able to doubt and not be labeled a heretic.
Hope. I don’t find much hope in the modern church. Of course if your definition of hope is a large crowd of people who are generally happy and comfortable, then there is a ton of hope in the modern church. But hope for me is that we are going to make the world a better place for my generation and those to come. When I walk into a church I don’t feel like we are making any sort of real impact on social change, environmental issues, etc. I want a community that is more focused on changing the world, than on being right.
These are all big reasons, and only a few that I have left the church, but there are some much more personal reasons as well.
1. I never once felt like my personal spiritual life or my wife’s was as important as the people I was supposed to be ministering to. If you as a pastor want me to work for you, put my spiritual life above the people you want me to affect. If I am not doing well, then the chances are that the people I am in charge of will not do well either.
2. I never once felt like the staff I was part of was a community. We had many of the same struggles, but for some reason we ran the church like a business where feelings and emotions take a back seat to numbers and productivity.
3. I didn’t feel like my beliefs about what good ministry was were important. I think that my relationships are more important than what was being learned each week.
In all honesty I wrote this post in a very short amount of time, on little sleep. On top of all that, I don’t have words for my feelings about the church yet. I have been hurt, and deeply hurt at that. I hope that someone may benefit from my words, but that no one will take them as absolute facts that need to be analyzed under a microscope. I am simply a man who is lost and doubting looking for a place of rest where I can be safe. I think what my generation is looking for most is safety to be who we honestly are, flaws and all. We want acceptance and validation. We want hope that there is something better out there than what we currently see.
These posts are not our attempt at being critical. But are the autobiographies of a bunch of 25 and under former staff members and leaders in the traditional model of church who have now found alternative ways of experiencing community and living the way of Jesus. These writings will be compiled and circulated among some local pastors with the attempt at rebuilding some burnt and broken bridges.
Tags: Andrew Tankersley, Absolute Truth, Community, The Exodus
Josh
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 10:38 am Uhr
good points about absolute truth. absolutes like murder is wrong sort of go out the window when it comes to war or capital punishment. people who are so adamant about absolute truth fail to realize that much of their view is colored by their own version of truth, thus they absolutize their truth.
Dan
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 4:57 pm Uhr
I have not left the “church” yet but I echo everything you said [even about being a leader in the church] and wish my girlfriend and family would be as understanding and “with me” as your wife.
We are the church.
Larry
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 6:28 pm Uhr
I am hearing more and more of this about leaving the “church”. But all this talk of leaving the “church makes me wonder: do we know what the church is?
What if you in fact have never been part of the church? What if what you have believed to be the church is not the church? What if what you describe as the church you need to leave precisly because they aren’t the church, and do not know and never have known what the Church is?!
Your experiences to my mind lead to the question of who can represent the church that was started at Pentecost 2000 years ago, and where is the continuity through time of that church. Not trying to fix what is evidently broken and not the church.
Not that I have figured that all out for myself necesarily, we protestants are in a very difficult and chaotic place.
God’s peace to you and your continued journey.
Kimberly
Thursday, 7. September 2006 um 10:57 pm Uhr
I thought this was great! I think this whole series is awesome. Anna did an incredible job (especially for someone who doesn’t “chew” or “write” about those feelings often). But I think this post resonated with me the most.
“My Exodus” To Wordpress and “The Exodus” To Alternative Forms of Church at atypicalspirituality.com
Friday, 8. September 2006 um 12:12 pm Uhr
[...] Andrew [...]
leslie
Friday, 8. September 2006 um 2:41 pm Uhr
Tank, that’s why I think your awesome. Because you are raw and honest. There, are you happy now??? ohhhhh lots of laughs and sharts.
at atypicalspirituality.com
Friday, 15. September 2006 um 10:59 am Uhr
[...] Andrew [...]