Thanks.

Thanks for all the encouragement and thoughts on my little musings on the meaning of life. Despite having some really weird comments that I moderated out to spam, most have been helpful.

I think most of it has to do with me just falling into the trap of wanting something quick and easy. Like fast-food. I want to be a hero. I want to be an icon. I want to be that superstar that everyone looks to and wants to be like. And hopefully they’ll bow down and just worship me and thank me for making the world such a better place.

I mean it’s not all that. But having that little dark, shady side within me stirring that stuff in my soul doesn’t help.

What I really need is just to practice the inward spiritual life. I’ve got a head full of stuff. But not much of an inner serenity kind of thing. My mind and passions are always racing. Often in contradictory or opposite directions. I need to learn to still my heart. I need to become a suburban monk.

Either that or become a Rastafarian.

I’m just having one of those moments as a spoiled child where I both love God and resent him for messing up my life. So what do you do with that? When you believe in God yet doubt him. Love him and feel like an alien from almost everyone else who loves him. I’m full of it. I realize this. I really do. I’m so full of it. But I still do believe in something. It’s taking different shapes. It’s like an ice sculpture. But I fear at times I’ve taking way too much off. Chopped off pieces that should have stayed. And I’m left with this very little sliver of ice.

I guess I’m trying to decide if I’ve made a mistake in getting rid of everything but this one little piece. Is it a deformed piece of ice void of shape and substance. Or is it in that simplistic sliver that it is actually beautiful and something of worth.

I don’t even know what the hell I’m writing. But I’m thinking it. So what do I do with that?