Statement.

Unexplainable love
How would I start
How would I end
How can I define it
I don’t even understand
My words are so shallow
Empty lofty words
My heart a poor reflection
My words will not do
My heart will not do
Not even songs

Words seem so useless in your presence
Definitions even more so
I just complicate your gift
Mess it all up
Put a theology around it
Make ornaments and jewelry
Tangle up your intent and heart
Attaching crude wisdom
To a beautiful statement of love

Such poor understanding
What to say, what to write, what to sing
Nothing to do but feel, experience
Anything else would be injustice
A defilement of the gift
Your unexplainable love

Current.

What’s in my cd player this week: A Norah Jones Mix, David Crowder Band – Can You Hear Us, Enter the Worship Circle – 1st Circle, Enter the Worship Circle – 2nd Circle, Coldplay – A Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby – 18, The Burn Service – Vineyard Worship, and a worship cd from Mars Hill Fellowship

What I’m reading this week: The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg, Romans, Acts,
Psalm 31-40

Poor.

Wide eyes, soft and gentle
A spark of excitement
A twinkle of joy
Smiling now
The big kind of smile
The blown away kind
The smile you give after your breaths been stolen
Your affection captured
When your heart is so overwhelmed, it almost hurts
The tears start to well up
On the verge of overflowing
Arms are now opened
And with it the tears can’t be stopped
Slowly trickling from his deep eyes
Rolling down the face
Making all the suffering worth it
Complete, its perfectly complete now
Only I don’t accept it
This unconditional love
I’m scared, not used to it
I hold on to my mistakes
My memories, my stains
My sin, myself
Given freely, without reservation
Given out of a loving heart
No strings attached
Simply given
And at a price to large for me
This gift, this love
I want to accept it
Help me . . . help me
Undeserving, not near worthy
Poor and ungrateful
Poor and guilty
Poor and needing
I’m spent, help me receive it
Help me see me as you do
Just help me
My lover
The lover of my soul, my heart, body
The lover of me
Rags and all
The lover of me

September 11th.

Today is alot. I don’t know what to write or to say. I didn’t think I would feel this way but I’m speechless. A whole new set of emotions is welling up in me today that I didn’t feel last year. To sit here and listen to the names of those who were lost, be read one at a time, non-stop, is chilling. Over 3,000 stories have quit being told. 3,000 lives that are have been robbed of the joy of living. The joy of watching your son at a t-ball game. The joy of giving your daughter away at her wedding. The joy of waking up next to your husband or wife. 2 hours of names. They just kept coming and coming. 2 hours . . . I wonder what some of these people would do with 2 hours.

God’s Delight.

God’s Delight In Me

The pain of the cross was not for nothing. The agony and toil was not without a purpose. He did not give up His son and turn His back on Him for an hour, for the sake of doing it. Everything from the beginning of time until now, all of history has led up to this point. All the plans, all the sacrifice has led up to this moment, this life. My road that he has guided, my life that he has molded, my circumstances that he has crafted all lead up to our friendship. Our mutual love. One for another. But my love is tainted. It comes from my impure motives. It’s not a perfect love. I wish it were though. Then I would feel a little prouder in my meager offerings. But that’s not what He wants. He’s not looking for much. He knows I don’t have anything to offer that He doesn’t have. He knows that I offer so little in comparison to His resources. But that “little” is what He prizes more than anything. More than everything He created. More than everything He owns. More than anything He has access to (and He has access to everything). He desires me. This is why he did everything. This is what its all for. For me. For us. All the tears, all the pain, all the glory, all the love. For the sake of me. Its in His nature. Its who He is. Its Him, the creator of love. Love itself.

“If God stopped thinking of me, He would cease to exist.” – 15th Century Theologian Angelus Silesius

“God by definition is thinking of me.” – Brennan Manning