Soul Tsunami.

Read this in none other than Leonard Sweet’s Soul Tsunami this afternoon. Thought it was cool. By the way I’m not a slow reader, its just a 400 page book. He quotes Erma Bombeck in a column she wrote entitled “What’s Saved Is Often Lost.”

I don’t save anything. My pockets are empty at the end of a week. So is my gas tank. So is my file of ideas. I trot out the best I’ve got, and come the next week. I bargain, whimper, make promises, cower and throw myself on the mercy of the Almighty for just three more columns in exchange for cleaning my oven . . . . Throughout the years I’ve seen a fair number of my family who have died leaving candles that have never been lit, appliances that never got out of the box . . . . I have learned that silver tarnishes when it isn’t used, perfume turns to alcohol, candles melt in the attic over summer, and ideas that are saved for a dry week often become dated. I always had a dream that when I am asked to give an accounting of my life to a higher court, it will be like this: “So, empty your pockets. What have you got left of your life? Any dreams that were unfilled? Any unused talent that we gave you when you were born that you still have left? Any unsaid compliments or bits of love that you haven’t spread around?” And I will answer, “I’ve nothing to return. I spent everything you gave me. I’m as naked as the day I was born.”

The question is not “How much do I give to God of what is mine?” but “How much of God’s do I give away? How much do I use?” This applies to finances, time, thoughts, resources. Its a theology of receiving versus a theology of giving. We are not called to give. We are called to invest what we have received from God, in the work of His kingdom.

“The flowing out of God always demands a flowing back.” – Jan Van Ruysbroeck

God of Grace.

God of Grace

You are the God of grace
Why can’t I see that
You love to love me
You are happy when you love me
What kind of God are you
I don’t understand this
I don’t even understand any of it
It makes no sense to a man like me
It makes no sense to anyone
What is grace, what is love, what is mercy
Who are You
I only know that my heart is connected
Connected and in communion with You
Like a hungry beggar I receive
Not knowing, not understanding
Definitely not deserving
But blindly receiving
I am sharing with You
I am eating with You
I am enjoying You
This God of grace

Confident Fools.

Confident foolishness. Supreme satisfaction. An overarching smile. These are just random thoughts. I need to expound on them one day. Right now I’m dead smack in the middle of an incredible book by Leonard Sweet, Soul Tsunami. Every “church” leader who wants to particpate in effective ministry from this point in time and in the future, should be forced to read this book or anything else by Sweet for that matter. This guy is way ahead of his time. Way ahead. Right now I’m reading through Romans. Good stuff. That must sound like the hugest understatement to God. But its a great book. Extremely deep. You could honestly read in Romans for the rest of your life and still not get as deep as you could go. Lets see . . . I’ve been listening to Coldplay, The Hives, Dashboard Confessional, The Rentals, David Crowder Band, The Strokes, and a worship cd from Mars Hill Fellowship. For my future reference.

Ok, heres something that may sound wierd to me later on in the future. But I just thought it was an incredible moment of realization for me tonight. I know this sounds dumb, but the little light in my head clicked on for a brief second in an other wise ordinary situation. So here it is. I’m housesitting for this couple. They have two dogs. I don’t know what kind cause I’m not that smart. They have this little one, named Shelby. So I’m sitting on the ground, have a nice cd compilation thrown on in the background, and I’m just playing with Shelby on the ground. Very peaceful. She keeps chasing me. Jumping on me. I blow in her face and then cover my face so she can’t get to me. I hold her up in the air. She keeps licking my toes. She’s all over the place. So we’re just sitting there playing for about 15 minutes or so. Then I find her bag of toys. So I get out some chew toy ball or something like that. I get it out for her, so she can play with it, right? Well then she starts playing with it and quits playing with me. To be honest, it kinda chapped me. Here I am giving this toy to Shelby so she can play with it, and then I get mad when she starts to play with it. And for some reason and I have no idea why, a little light clicked on in my brain and I immediately thought about God giving me a gift to enjoy and then when He gives it to me, I quit playing with Him directly and play instead with the gift. Then I thought about how God must get chapped when he sees me doing this. But then the second light clicked on in my little brain. You see my motives aren’t pure. I gave the toy to Shelby, so I could have her enjoy it with me, not so she could enjoy it by herself. Which shows that I didn’t care about Shelby enjoying the gift. I cared more about myself and my satisfaction than I cared about Shelby and her satisfaction. Tainted motives. John Piper says God is most satisfied in us, when we are most satisfied in Him. So you see, God has a pure heart and pure motives. Therefore, the gift that he gives, He gives out of a pure heart. The gift is also an extension of himself. I don’t think that God gets chapped when he sees me playing with his gift instead of directly playing with Him. I believe He sees it as me directly playing with Him since the gift is an extension of Him. He gave it to me out of a pure heart for my enjoyment. So why would he get mad if I enjoy His gifts, His pleasures as long as I recgonize who the gift came from? God sees it as me enjoying His pleasure. He is most satisfied with me, when I am most satisfied in Him.

This will probably sound real spacey when I read it a year from now. But right now, tonight, it clicked with me. I thought I’d share it. I know I’m dumb. Just please don’t say it to my face cause then it’ll hurt my feelings and I’ll get a really low self esteem and that won’t be good for anybody. =)

Relationship vs Religion.

Relationship vs. Religion
written in 1999

Which is the better? Relationship causes us to be dependent. While religion drowns us in our own strength. Relationship produces fire and passion in our lives. Religion produces complacency. Relationship drives us to serve. Religion drives us to apathy. Relationship draws us to dangerous. Religion draws us to something safe. Relationship drives us to our knees. Religion drives us to our platforms. Relationship births love for the lost. Religion births love of our rules. Relationship causes change. Religion causes conformity. Relationship brings forth life and fruit. Religion brings death and decay.

When I look at this, I see that the relationship is far better than the religion. But when I look at my life, I see my religious offerings of money, time, materials, songs, and words. I see them and I think, “wow”. But it’s a matrix. I think am something. I think am making a difference. I think I am in God’s will. But then I look at my life. I look at how much time I spend in the relationship. That’s when I realize that I am bound in religion.

School.

Another Semester of School

Today is the first day of school. Let me tell you how excited I am. Can you hear it in my type? It seems like with every semester that goes by, I grow in a huge way. Every semester that I come to school it seems like I already have a nice chunk of my mind made up already as to what I believe about God and life. I always come in with these preconceived notions about God and all these answers that I’ve already decided upon. But by the end of the semester, after another 4 months of people cramming more information down my throat, more lectures compacted into my brain, and seeing all of this stuff that is supposedly going to change a world and change the church, I find myself sitting not with a whole lot of answers, but with a whole lot of questions. And I don’t see myself as sitting empty handed. That even after another semester I still don’t know more, but I am not empty handed. I’ve learned more about myself. Even though I don’t have the right answers, I usually come out with a whole lot of questions that I need to address in order that my life counts for something. I find that the more I know about God, the less I know about Him. The more I think I know, the less I really know. In order for me to learn more about Him and grow closer to Him, oftentimes I have to “de” myself. Before I can be reformed and renewed and recharged. I have to “de” me. I have to unpackage everything I think I know to be true about God, church, and life. I have to de myself out of all my preconceived notions, all my pictures of God, all my head knowledge. Being careful not to leave my mind so open, that anything can take root. But essentially, to dump everything out. All my answers. All my knowledge. All of me. And honestly this is a daily process. Running everything I know to be true through God’s filter. Sticking everything under his lens. Not mine.

So here I am again. Standing at the edge of another four months of learning. Preparing myself to “learn about God.” When in the end, I’ll know less than I know today and know more than I know today at the same time. The ultimate paradox. To some this is a sad moment of realization. But to me, I’m excited. Even eager, to deprogram me and my ideas and beliefs and learned way of doing things. And to reprogram myself with God and his ideas and his beliefs and his way of doing things and his heart. So here I am at the door to another semester of learning with a full head of answers and a heart full of questions. And I look forward to losing my answers and having God answer my questions. I look forward to where I’ll be a semester from now. Knowing less answers and having more questions. Knowing less about God but knowing Him more intimately. A beautiful paradox all wrapped up in a semester of school.